Tuesday, 8 March 2011

When out shopping, be careful or you might get more than you bargained for.

You’ve been here right? You’re stood in your local mall or town centre.. Shopping with your better half, You’re just wandering around, vaguely watching to make sure you nod at the right time to prevent huffs, or worse, yet another shop. Then you remember a shop nearby. You tell them you need to pee, get a burger or buy some sundry like fags or a paper. You’re partner turns, bored as well – they just can’t find what they are looking for and the come with you. Your route just happens to go past the shop.

When you are a teen, this might have been HMV, or Game. As you get older It might turn to something else. In my case (and I suspect yours) it will be your local high street kit shop.

As you get closer, your partner realises where you are headed. The eye’s roll, the sigh is expelled and you can almost hear the frustration – you are out shopping, so there’s no reason why you cant shop too..

As you walk in, nothing in mind, you start to look at pansets that are heavier than the one(s) you already own. You look at sleeping bags you have no intention of buying (usually because you can get a better price elsewhere). Then something catches your eye. A multitool or pocket knife? A new compass might be good, you’re old one is getting a bit, well.. old.

Maps – you can never have all the maps you need. There are literally hundreds of them. But they’re expensive – especially if you are just thinking of going there some time.

You’ve reverted to being seven. You don’t need anything, you just want something. So you’re looking at ‘pocket money’ items.


Then the partner that has been so patiently tapping their feet, humming, texting and asking stupid questions (you did so well not to murder them where they stand when they ask why you need lots of maps, when an a road atlas would do.. surely?!) They have something in their hands.

Whatever it is, you do not want it. It is overpriced, overweight,  not something you’d use and certainly not something you ever be seen using either. You’re not a noob – right?


Then It hits you. You’ve changed places.

In the fear that you’re partner will be the one who complains that they want to go for a burger, You grab everything… The maps. The compass (though you’ve now picked up the wrong one). 2 pairs of socks and what ever your partner is waving. Quickly pay.. Even quicker exit (though you now notice something that you might have actually wanted).

Then you’re out. The roles revert, The world becomes normal. You go through another tedious hour of trawling the shelves before realising you turned left outside the last emporium..

You’re close to that cracking little pub.. and they do amazing steak sandwiches.